I can’t fall in love .. !!

I can’t fall In love, because I’m in love…I have always been In love

“I Love you, Goodbye”….

Good bye, that’s all we ever said to each other..a brief hello sometimes but it always ends with a dreaded goodbye…

Its been years, and I have been trying to figure out what it is that makes me run from ” Love ” everytime that it comes knocking .

I always leave my Lovers, or if I feel they do not pay me enough attention, I do not chase..my first instinct is to run…and I ran…every time, In fact I’m still running…

I tried to Love over the years, but instead I had a few short lived obsessions with people who made me feel safe for a while,  and i had a few lustful affairs but those affairs burnt out as quickly as they started too…cause at the back of my mind I would always be thinking of you..

I tried, believe me I tried, to forget you, I had too..

For I know that what we had was broken beyond repair,

But now I know, the reason why I never stayed with any of them, why I was never really there with them…

Its because, I still Hope that its you and me in the end…

I know its silly, I know its a Pipedream..

But I forgave you for giving up on me when I needed you the most, and I forgave myself for chasing fantasies, losing myself, and hurting us both in the process…

I know, we cut each other deep, I know our trust is crippled, I know you’re scared we will  destroy each other all over again, …I’m scared too..

But I will chose to take that chance again and surrender my heart to you again, I would take that risk….over and over again… Instead of this…emptiness..

For without you, I’m lost…I’m dead…I’m just existing….

I tried, believe me I tried to Love someone else,

But here I am, I chose to be alone… Because I can’t lie to myself and others any longer, I can’t break another heart…

I can’t Love anyone, Cause I’m already in love…I have always been in love…with you…

And if I can’t have you, I will die infinite deaths..one for every second that I exsist without you,

I will give myself to you, If you chose to save me, I am yours always, If you will have me..
I Love you…I Love you

Stay Blessed : Dee 🙂

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